Back of the pack runner

I did not ever mean to become a back of the pack runner.  I actually at one time was so stuck up that I thought that they should be banned from running.  My reason for banning them you ask?  They waste the time of volunteers.  You see in those days when I could run 8 minute miles with a broken leg and a blindfold on I knew that slow people only made being a volunteer a horrible job.  Why any race would allow someone to run a marathon and take over four hours was doomed to losing all of its volunteers...well unless it could have two shifts.  How could expect a volunteer to stay for 3+ hours!

I have now become a back of the pack runner.  Did I use the word "runner"?  I have not run in more than a decade.  I have finished over a 100 marathons without running a step...yes, I "ran" the race, but let's say that nine minutes went by much quicker than the mile makers went by...making me a waste of volunteers' time.  Granted, I can run races without volunteers or police support.  I have run very small races that lacked both.  Volunteers and police assistance is very over rated for someone that runs a lot.  Don't get me wrong, I love having both.  I just don't care.  I just don't need them.  In most races I can take care of myself.  Actually all the volunteers are probably a safety hazard for the very slow...they load up on water and dilute their electrolytes to the point of unsafe conditions.  They walk and now we have rest stops not every 3-6 miles, but every mile.  Way overkill.

Okay, maybe I am not always back of the pack, but I do love to start dead last.  There are so many fun people in the back of the bus...like me!  I start off slow and move through the pack until I am somewhere comfortable...which may still be in the back of the pack...or not!  I actually have a method to my madness...start last.  Pretty simple method, eh?  Ok, I have a reason for starting last as well.  Fast runners are generally racing.  They do not wear costumes.  They don't even have fun sayings on their shirts.  Now the slow people are a moving circus!  There are so many fun things going on you don't know where to look!  Fun shirts.  Costumes.  Teams.  You name it!  It is WAY fun back there.

Okay, best back of the bus experiences...